six years old she would be; she is

Today is Abby’s birthday. She is six years old. She is celebrating in heaven.

This is her third birthday that I have spent without her. I went to the cemetery a couple weeks ago. It had been several months since I had been. I think I knew I’d be going a few times in the pre-Spring and maybe I wanted to get a head start to prepare myself for these visits. Does that make any sense at all? I don’t know. Part of me wanted to see the barren cemetery before it springs to life with green and color.

I wasn’t disappointed at all. The cemetery was damaged and broken from the ice storm so I got an extra dreary feast for my eyes. Clean-up was in its final stages with all the little roads piled high with broken branches.

I went today with the whole family because it is Abby’s birthday. We had planned to feed the ducks but it was cold and raining, so we can do that another day when it’s nicer. I bought 6 roses tied with a bow and a butterfly.

Because it was drizzling, we sat in the car together while Todd read the story of Lazarus.

Unlike Mary and Martha, I didn’t get my miracle. Abby is still in the grave.

Yet it reminds me of eternal life and the life to come and the life that Abby is living now in glory.

And my sweet, tender Alex wept.

2 responses to “six years old she would be; she is”

Betsy Kemner

February 24, 2010

Dear Guinever,
Wow! I stumbled (God led me) on your site after I heard about a Math U See swap board and googled it. I see Abby’s birthday is coming up in a few days and I will be praying for you and your family. Birthdays and holidays can be a real struggle. I lost Matthew at 20 1/2 weeks gestation, May 23, 2000, two days after my second son’s birthday. There isn’t any other pain like losing a child. I take comfort knowing Matthew is heaven and I will see him and hold him someday. My heart goes out to you!

Thanks Betsy! Thanks for your prayers and your kind words. I'[m sorry to hear about Matthew. ~blessings, Guinever

~tambrie kitchens

March 23, 2010

Dearest, Guinever,

On Fb, I saw the angelic looking face of an incredibly beautiful girl, with the large round eyes, sweet heart lips and hair of gold…. I did not realize she was your daughter. I read some posts and saw this blog. I’ve sat here reading, weeping and thinking of you, praying for you.

I may not ever be able to tell you how this has impacted me. I know it’s not about me, yet I feel it is changing me deeply somehow.

Through your loss, grief and celebration of Abby’s life, you’re sharing and bringing forth more life.

Thank you,
~tambrie